After my covert deception and subsequent divorce, I was often curious about why other people seemed to “hear from the Holy Spirit” so clearly.
I believed the Bible, which says that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me, and I felt comforted by God’s presence. Yet, despite my faith, I rarely sensed answers to my heartfelt questions. I clung tightly to God’s Word, but I stopped trusting myself when it came to making important decisions. That made sense—I had made some pretty terrible choices in the past, costing me my most cherished relationships and almost my life. Since I didn’t feel like I could hear the Holy Spirit’s voice, I began trusting other people’s “hearing from the Lord” more than my own.
When I was deceived so deeply, I became wary of what others said the Holy Spirit was telling them, especially if it involved my life. But then I read Andrea’s book and spoke with Liz about a more in-depth deliverance session. I was curious. I love everything we can gain from God’s Word and from one another, and I sensed that God was calling me to help others.
But I felt ill-equipped. How could I be sure that what I had learned in my own healing journey would actually help someone else? What if their path was different? What if I gave the wrong advice or pointed them in the wrong direction? I felt a lot of uncertainty about becoming a coach, but deep down, I knew this was where God was leading me.
Right in the middle of getting more training and certifications, I went through a deliverance session over the phone with Andrea. Her first question was, “Do you believe the Holy Spirit lives inside of you?”
Here we go!
Of course, I believed that. By the time we paused the session—because I had to pick up my daughter from school—over three hours had gone by. About halfway through, we discovered that the enemy had blocked me from hearing the Holy Spirit. An old, recurring dream I hadn’t had in years came up. We realized that the enemy, specifically one called Beelzebub, had placed a block around me, preventing me from hearing the Holy Spirit’s voice. This access came through my stepfather’s teachings.
Andrea and I removed and denied access to all of them. The process was specific and thorough.
My stepfather, who had attended seminary, taught me that as a woman, I didn’t have the same direct access to God as a man did. He didn’t say it in those exact words, but he constantly reinforced the idea that a woman was made for a man and should not teach or lead men. Growing up, we lived this out daily—the man was the spiritual leader and authority, while women were there to serve and satisfy him. We could study the Bible and get an education, but only if it helped us be better wives.
Another big issue I faced was my desperate need to feel valuable—like I was enough.
When my father left when I was five, my mom ended up marrying his friend, and my dad moved away, following another woman overseas. I didn’t realize it then, but that’s when I started dissociating. The pain of feeling like I wasn’t enough for my dad to stick around and watch grow up was too much for my little girl self to handle.
The deliverance session was truly life-changing. Now, the Holy Spirit and I talk all day long! I hear His voice, and I feel His love. Throughout the day, He checks me when I’m speaking or acting out of a false sense of my identity. I’m replacing old, harmful patterns with truth. My life is completely different. I still appreciate wisdom from friends, but I no longer need it the way I used to. Now, I feel confident stepping into conversations or coaching sessions, knowing the Holy Spirit will guide me. He shows me which tools to use and speaks through me to help others find freedom.
Looking back, I see how teachings with some truth in them can become so damaging when distorted. I see the leader God created me to be. He gave me many opportunities to step into my true self, but whether I didn’t think I deserved it or feared it would be sinful, the result was the same—I never fully stepped into my purpose because of the lies I believed.
Becoming free has changed my life.
Realizing what Jesus did for us and how much God loves us is transformational. The power we have been given is remarkable. It is so important to know who you are, that you are lovable, accepted, and have a purpose—right here and right now.